Saturday, October 29, 2011

No one is missing

This is for the linkup at Kelly's Korner.
I have a private family blog and rarely use this one but please comment/message me if you would like because I would LOVE to meet more one child moms - it feels so right for us but also unusual:)

We tried to get pregnant for two years before we finally did.
We always thought we would have three kids close together and still thought that even after our daughter was born. Then there was a shift sometime before she turned one - thankfully, my husband and I had that shift at the same time!:)

We started to talk about it and say "You know what? This is pretty great!"

The best way to describe it is that I don't feel like anyone is missing.
But I do wonder sometimes if we are robbing our daughter of something. I have a brother and always loved being a big sister from day one (we are 2.5 years apart).
My husband is an only child and loved that, but he also wants to make the right choice for all of us.
My mom reminds me that not all siblings get along - in fact it can be the worst relationship of your life. So we don't want to make a choice simply based on "Siblings are great!"

We are young. I'm only 28, and my husband is 27. So we have time to change our minds but really don't think we will:)

I love spending my days with my daughter and watch other moms get frazzled and have to split their time and I just don't know if I would be good at that. I get frazzled enough at times as it is!:)

Anyway I would love to meet some of you!!!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

That's Not My God

*This is a repeat of a note I wrote several months ago.  The phrase has been playing in my head (and in some conversations) over and over this week, as I have seen shocking, appalling statements being made by people who I know and who claim to know the God that I know.  So I feel the need to post this again, with a few additions in the "That's not my God" section.*


Some of you know my background better than others, some of you because you were there for a lot of it:)

I was raised in a home with Christian parents, and we went to church regularly.

I also went to a Christian school...a very strict, legalistic Christian school. Just telling it like it is...I'm aware that some people will be offended by that statement, but I am pretty big on telling the truth. Thankfully, my parents did not have the same legalistic viewpoints, so I was able to go to that school and hear these statements about the Bible and God and come home and talk them over with my parents and come to a different conclusion than what I was being told at school. As I got older, I was able to study things out for myself and go "Hmmm, not what I'm seeing in that passage in Scripture. Interesting."


A phrase I often repeated in high school was "That's not my God." Most often, it would be my response when someone would say (as strangely it was often said) "You're going to have to stand before God on Judgment Day and answer for all the things you've done wrong." And I would sit there and think (and occasionally say, if I was feeling overly sassy at the time) "I'm not sure what God you're talking about, but that's not my God."


Jay's and my journey of choosing to not attend a church service at this point in time is very much centered around that phrase: That's not my God.

There was too much happening in the church (at large, not just a specific church, though that was certainly the case as well) that we would sit there and say "That's not my God" about.

Things would be said from up front in a church service that we would say "That's not my God" about.

Things would be done by people in the church, in the name of God, that we would say "That's not my God" about.

And as new parents, we sat and looked at our precious, sleeping baby and said "I don't ever want her to know that other God. I want her to know the true God. I don't want there to be any confusion about who God is. Because that other God isn't my God."


I think (okay, I know:) our decision to not attend church services has caused confusion and concern for some people who know us.

So let me be clear: We made this decision, not because we don't care about God and the church, but because we love them so much. We don't want to be a part of something that misrepresents God's name and who he is, because we care too much about him and his reputation in the world.

We didn't step back from attending a church service out of apathy for God; we stepped back, because we could no longer stand to be a part of something that so grossly misrepresented our God.


Every time I see something in the news about a "church" protesting a soldier's funeral, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see some hatred towards homosexuals being spewed forth, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see people using their (so-called) power and authority in a local church to lord it over others and frankly abuse people, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear a pastor say "Well, we here at such-and-such local church are doing things so much better than those churches down the street" I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see someone use Scripture to support their unloving attitude towards others, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see a husband abuse a certain verse in Scripture as support for forcing his wife to submit to him, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see a parent twist Scripture to support the fact that they are keeping their children down and not allowing them the freedom to choose their own way in life, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I have an unloving thought towards someone, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone speak of God as someone who's watching over our shoulder just waiting for us to do something wrong so he can punish us, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone spew forth lies about how a natural disaster is God's judgment on a certain group of people, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone say that we need to work hard to be good so that God will be pleased with us and bless us, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear of someone who is afraid to stand up for what is right for fear of personal repercussions, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone speak as though the United States of America is God's chosen people and gift to the rest of the world, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone say "I'm afraid of where our country is going," I think "That's not my God."


Every time I have a fearful thought that something terrible will happen to someone I care about, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone saying that God would want us to burn another religious group's holy books, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone saying that a mosque has no place somewhere in our country, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear someone claiming that Christians should have religious freedom at the cost of all others having religious freedom, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I see someone using Scripture to support their bigoted views of their fellow human beings, I think "That's not my God."


Every time I hear of church "leaders" abusing their power, I think "That's not my God."


As time goes on, Jay and I are more and more sure that there aren't as many people who know our God, as claim to know our God.

And I say that with no happiness and no pride; I say it with deep sadness.

(And at the same time, we believe there are many more people who know our God, who are not in the evangelical churches we grew up in.)

I wish everyone could know the God I know.

I hope my daughter comes to know the God I know. And that is why we don't want to be a part of a group of people who so horribly misrepresent him to the rest of the world.

I don't want to misrepresent him, and I certainly don't want my child to have any confusion about who God is.

I want people to know my God, not this horrible caricature that others have made of him.

I'm Sorry

I just read a book called Foreskin's Lament (could be the best book title ever) about a guy who grew up in an ultra-orthodox Jewish home.  It's about his life in that culture but also how that affected his faith and life and thinking about God in his adult life.


When he says something overly neurotic, his wife says to him "Wow, they really did a number on you, didn't they?"


I felt a little pang every time I read that in the book, because I certainly could say that to some people I know and love.


And you know what?  The God's honest truth is...that pisses me off.


It really makes me angry that "religious leaders" (and I use those quotes very, very intentionally) and others have done such a number on people I know and love.


It makes me really angry that they claim to represent God and then do things that are completely opposite of who my God is.


It makes me really angry that they have hurt people I love...and that they don't even care.


It makes me really angry that not only do they not care, they turn around and blame those people for being hurt by what they've done as though it's somehow the hurt person's fault.


It makes me really angry that these people continue to be in positions of leadership in churches.


It makes me really angry that there are some who know everything these "leaders" have done and yet they continue to consider them leaders and stay under their leadership.


It makes me really angry that people are so quick to believe what a church leader says, rather than finding out the whole story from everyone involved.


It makes me really angry when men in churches treat women as lesser beings.


It makes me really angry when women talk about how wonderful it is to submit to those men who treat them as lesser beings.


It makes me really angry when people are more concerned with following "God's calling" than taking care of their families.


And I don't think I'm wrong to be angry.  I'm pretty sure my God is royally pissed off about those very same things.


So to anyone who has been hurt by people who are misrepresenting my God...whether it's because they said you have to act a certain way or dress a certain way, or whether they told you that the feelings you have for another person are wrong, or whether they made you to feel less than worthy, or whether they demeaned you, or whether they used their power to turn people against you, or whether they put down other religious groups, or whether they abused you...


I'm sorry.


Because that is NOT who my God is. 


And I'm sorry that those of us who know the truth and know who he really is aren't doing more to stand up for you.


I'm sorry we didn't say "Enough!" to those people who were beating you down.


I'm sorry we didn't stand up for you sooner.

I'm sorry we didn't speak more truth into your lives and say "You are valuable.  You are wonderful.  There is nothing wrong with you."


I'm sorry we put up with bullshit from people in the church for so very long, so very quietly.


I am truly and deeply sorry.

Saturday, June 25, 2011


This post is for Kelly's Korner's Show Us Your Singles:)

Holly is my best friend.  We met as freshman in college, and one of the best things I can tell you about Holly is that she put up with my ridiculous homesickness and my inability to talk about anything other than my boyfriend "back home."  She put up with all that crap and stuck by me and helped me get out of my homesickness rut.

She has the best laugh...and loves to laugh.

She is an incredibly brave and independent person -- straight out of college, she moved from Michigan (where all her family lives) to inner-city Philadelphia to do a year of ministry with an organization called Mission Year.  She stayed on in Philadelphia after that year was up as well, working as a social worker.

She is now back in Michigan, closer to her family, living on her own, working as a social worker.

Holly loves movies...especially ones with Colin Firth, so if you're a Colin Firth look-a-like message me immediately!:)

Holly is a HUGE Michigan State fan, so Michigan fans...well, she might make an exception, but you'll have to be really, really great in every other way;)

Holly adores my 2 year old daughter and is passionate about the foster care system and adoptions...not just because she's a social worker by profession, but because she is an intensely compassionate and passionate person who wants the best for every single child.

Holly is very close with her family -- not only with her parents, brother and sister-in-law and her sister, but also with her grandparents and other extended family.

She loves U2, and I credit her with helping me to realize how amazing they are.  She flew out to California (where we live) this summer to go to a U2 concert with us:)

As I've said, Holly lives in Michigan, but she loves to travel, so don't let that stop you if you live far from Michigan:)

I could go on and on and on and on and on...Holly is an absolutely amazing person, and I love her dearly.

E-mail me at or leave a comment here:)

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Wednesday, January 19, 2011